Today is a meeting with the school principal. Organizing school is a full time job. Well, not exactly, I guess in the scheme of things it is really part time, 1/4 time. We are not having success with the IEP that was written for the year in October. To be exact, we are having trouble having the IEP implemented. B should be getting modified homework assignments and help getting the right homework home. Neither is happening.
Our first IEP meeting this year was not a pleasant experience. As I have told others, there were too many egos in the room and I felt I had to deal with those before B’s issue because I was going to work with these women for the year. That does not lead to a successful meeting. After the principal stepped in with discipline, I believe, for most parties involved, our next meeting went much more smoothly. My goal at that point though was to get something written on paper and then we would go from there. I believe what is on paper will work, it is just not being done.
Thus the meeting.
What a day yesterday was. Couldn’t even write by the end of the day. Pretty much in a fog and made it to bed by 9:30. When days get like that I can’t even process what happened. B flies off the handle, there is no way to slow him down. He becomes very unreasonable, physically aggressive, and cannot be calmed by any normal means. I called one of his doctors’ offices and talked to someone about what to do. He screamed and yelled through that but by the end of the call he had calmed down quite a bit.
The doctor later asked what was his trigger. Triggers are so important. In our case I always can say, but really there is no significance. His trigger yesterday was a no, he could not go to his friend’s house right away after school (within 2 minutes). Instead he would have to wait for a while while his friend settled in at home and visited with is mom, just like we do at our house. Well that was it. There was no more reasoning.
Solutions for that situation? I went to walk home with M from school. Then we walked some friends home and then went to check on the mood at home. It hadn’t improved so M went off to a friend’s house. As the mood worsened I called the dr. and then another friend for my support. I asked that friend if we could come over. She said of course.
That change in environment turned everything around. Oh to be able to find a simpler way.
Went to work this evening. I needed it. Yet again, it was a rough afternoon. There are moments of absolute insanity, when you can’t believe your life is actually like this. At these times I feel this must really be a movie, not the life that I have created for myself or the life that mine has become.
And it was. We successfully avoided all conflict before school, from both children. I think a large part of it is that B was awakened ten minutes late, so he was still tired, only had twenty minutes of overlap time in the house with his sister and all his clothes were readily available. Even the last minute troubles of “I can’t wear my coat, other kids laugh at me,” was solved by mom getting out the needle and thread and fixing it on the spot only causing five minutes of wait time (miraculous that he could wait that long). Overall a great morning.
No homework was finished last night. Often we are able to get half of something done in the afternoon, but I didn’t even attempt it due to the incredibly difficult day we had on Tuesday. I needed a break.
EVER NEED A BREAK? How about it feels like always? Constant conflict gets very difficult on everyone. Family life can be a constant struggle and this is not what I was raised in. It is not something that is easily dealt with day after day, year after year. I cannot find a place where there are other people experiencing what I am on any site, group site, blog… it gets feeling pretty lonely. This is a healthy, constructive way for me to vent. If no one ever reads it, fine. But it is out there. I am getting a BREAK. And a BREAK is a BREAK!
B was an active enough little boy. Before preschool I noticed he needed a bit more attention than other children his age. I would notice this when we would meet with the playgroup, go to the playground, go to storytime, or be in a crowd. He didn’t demand attention he just needed it, extra guidance, extra correction, extra redirection. Of course as time has gone on he has demanded more attention, but that is for another time. At playgroup someone finally said, “You should read that book for ‘challenging’ children.” Reading the book wouldn’t really make him any less challenging. Perhaps help me manage him or learn that there are other kids like him. But he was my kid and he really wasn’t like any others… of course.
I wasn’t in that playgroup very long. We did not go to storytime at the library more than a handful of times. I learned quickly that we had to remove his shoes during storytime at the library because during his fascination with the story his little body moved and those big shoes would inevitably hit one of the other little ones in the head, the side, the leg and then that became the fun of storytime.
We continued to go to the parks and the playground. He loved to play with other children and he loved to frolic about. Anyone could handle him in small doses. He was incredibly sociable. He loved to include everyone, even much younger children, but he did get rather intense after a while. He wanted everyone to play with him, do his thing and be just as enthused. So as I said we visited a variety of parks and playgrounds, met neighbors on our many walks and enjoyed an active life, though not many strong relationships with other children.
There were no red flags. Sure he was difficult, but all kids were in one way or another. But not all kids at age four had to be directed on how to play in a group or be watched constantly with verbal directions and physical direction while playing with other children in an enclosed back yard. I went to playgroup but was an extension of B not a mom who could visit and relate with the other moms. Perhaps that was my first clue. As my husband still says, when we are with B we are always “on pointe”.
Let’s jump right in, shall we?
Had a very difficult day today. No one really to vent to. I am exhausted as is the rest of the house. Started out with punches from my boy and ended with punches from my boy (at least my intense work with him did). After that I took a break. Dinner was already in so I could escape while he cooled off a while. Moving on tomorrow should be better. It really has to be.